The "Some" Trap: Why Dinner + Movie ≠ Dating in Korea

In America, dating is a blurry line. You hang out, you grab dinner, maybe you kiss, and eventually, you just know you are together. In Korea, dating is a legal contract.

You can hold hands. You can eat expensive steak together. You can text 24/7. But if no one said the magic words “Will you be my girlfriend?” (Gobaek), you are SINGLE.

You are stuck in the most confusing relationship purgatory on earth: The “Some” (썸).

Welcome to Level 1. Let me tell you how I thought I had a boyfriend for 3 months, only to find out I was just a “Some-girl.”

The “Idiot” Archives: The Phantom Boyfriend

Flashback: 3 years ago. Gangnam Cafe.

I met a cute guy. Let’s call him “Min-su.” We were perfect. We texted “Good morning” and “Good night” every day. We went to the movies. He even carried my bag (which is a whole other cultural shock, but I liked it). I told my mom back in Ohio, “Mom, I met a guy! I have a Korean boyfriend!”

Three months later, I introduced him to my friends at a party. “Guys, this is my boyfriend, Min-su.”

Min-su looked panicked. He waved his hands. “Oh, no no. We are just… close friends. We are Some-ing.”

My heart shattered. My friends looked awkward. I wanted to disappear into the floor. I realized I had been living in a fantasy.

Enter “Ssam” (The Love Guru)

I cried to Ssam (my mentor) over Soju that night. “Ssam, he cheated on me! He acted like my boyfriend but said we are friends!”

Ssam poured me a shot. “Alice, did he do the Gobaek (고백)?” “The what?” “The Confession. Did he explicitly ask you to be his girlfriend?” “No, but we held hands!”

Ssam shook his head. “In Korea, no Confession means no relationship. You were riding the ‘Some’ bus, and you forgot to get off at the destination.”

Level 3 Wisdom: The 3 Stages of Korean Dating

Ssam drew a diagram on a napkin. If you want to date in Korea, you must understand this timeline.

1. The “Some” (썸) Phase

Definition: “There is something between us.” You are more than friends, but not lovers.
The Trap: This phase usually lasts 2 weeks to 1 month. If it goes longer than a month without a confession, he is not that into you. You are being kept in the fish tank (Eojang-gwanli).
Alice’s Advice: Don’t assume. If you are confused, ask.

2. The Gobaek (고백 – The Confession)

This is the contract signing ceremony. One person (usually the guy, but it’s 2025, ladies go for it) must say:

“Will you go out with me?” (Uri sagwillaeyo?)
“Let’s make today Day 1.” (Oneul-buteo 1-il.)

Without this verbal agreement, you are absolutely free to see other people.

3. The “Day 1” Counter (The App Era)

Once the contract is signed, you must download a couple app like Between or The Couple.

Why? Because Koreans celebrate everything.
Milestones: 100 Days, 200 Days, 1 Year.
Warning: If you forget the 100th day anniversary, you might be single on the 101st day.

Alice’s Bottom Line: Define the Relationship (DTR)

Dating in Korea is like an MMORPG game. You have to clear the tutorial (Some) and accept the quest (Confession) to start the game.

Don’t be like Level 1 Alice. Don’t guess. If you’ve been eating dinner together for a month and he hasn’t said anything? Look him in the eye and use the Survival Hangul below.

Survival Hangul: The “What Are We?” Talk

“우리 무슨 사이야?” (Uri museun sa-i-ya?)”
- Meaning: “What is our relationship?” (The ultimate ultimatum).
“오늘부터 1일 할래?” (Oneul-buteo 1-il hal-lae?)”
- Meaning: “Do you want to start Day 1 today?” (A cute way to confess).
“너 어장관리 하니?” (Neo eojang-gwanli hani?)”
- Meaning: “Are you managing your fish tank?” (Use this if he is playing games with you and 5 other girls. It means he is keeping you as an option).

🔗 Read This Next (Before You Make Another Mistake)

Did you sort out your love life? Good. Now fix your other Korean problems.

The “Some” Trap: Why Dinner + Movie ≠ Dating in Korea